You
by April3
Summary: Kakyou and Fuuma take a look at what they mean to each other. [aka I suck at summaries]


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_close your eyes   
let me touch you now   
let me give you something that is real   
close the door   
leave your fears behind   
let me give you what you're giving me _

_you are the only thing   
that makes me want to love at all   
when i am with you there's no reason to pretend   
that when i am with you i feel flames again _

_just put me inside you   
i would never ever leave   
just put me inside you   
i would never ever leave   
you_

_~"Flames," VAST _

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_Kakyou:_

When I'm with you, I pretend it doesn't matter. I try not to give into the influence your presence has on me. But then, I don't need to. It's very obvious. Why else would I curl up against you whenever you're near me? Why else does everything shatter and melt away only to be rebuilt again in your eyes?

I'm tired of pretending, of watching everyone live. Of pining away for the love she could never give me. I loved her, it's true, but I can't lie and say that my time with you doesn't matter. In truth, it is the only thing that has ever mattered.

You haven't killed me yet. As pathetic as I am. As pathetic as my wish is....as simple.

Everything about you startles and then soothes. The comfort of knowing you understand, that you judge every action and will decide what happens as a result.

I surrender it all to you. The dreamscape, this body, this lost wish. I have given it all over to you more times than I can count. You have yet to take any of it for granted, even the sad little life that is yours to do with as you please.

I'd like to think that after all this is over, I'll find you again. That no matter what happens; I will get to be with you. And I would wake up to be with you then. You'd smile and take me away from here.

I see the white sand below my feet; I feel the warmth of the sun shining upon my face. It's been so long, but if I'm with you I can remember how it felt. I can see birds taking off into the rich blue sky. The most beautiful thing I see though is your hand. Your hand reaching forever towards mine, your face patient and kind.

No matter how many times I see it, I can never reach your hand. I can never reach my hand to your face. I can never walk with you on the beach. I stumble, I fall, and I see what lies ahead.

Sometimes I wonder if the future is really how I see it or if by believing in the unhappiness I somehow have made it our reality. Perhaps that's all destiny really is. I'm not brave enough to stop believing in what I see. Just like her, you don't seem to mind.

I wonder what you think of me when you hold me, what you think of me when you leave. You must know how much I think about you. It's all I can do to speak when you're near me. If this is only pity, if this is only a lie, then please don't tell me the truth. You're all that's real.

I wish it would all end every time we kiss, every time I am underneath you. I wish for you to just kill me if I can't be with you. But I can't say that. I don't have to say that. Please don't make me say it.  

I don't exist without you. 

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_Fuuma:_

You would beat yourself up over her, but only when you don't think of me. You have no idea how much I love knowing that you're always thinking of me. Your wish was so simple, simpler than Nataku's. I wanted to grant it, so I did. I want to keep granting your wish, as long as you let me.

You don't believe yourself at all. What you think is true, is true. What you think is a lie, is a lie. Or can become one. But in darkness, you don't know which one is which.

So close your eyes. 

Take a deep breath in. 

See the future. Watch your destiny, my destiny, everyone's destiny come crashing towards you.

Breathe out.

Let it all melt away. 

Whatever is left is all that matters.

Open your eyes. 

I'm still here.

It's that simple, Kakyou. It's that hard.

You're killing yourself. You don't need anyone else to do that. I'm certainly not going to. It wouldn't serve any purpose. Even if you weren't my yumemi. Even then, I don't kill those who don't want to die. 

In spite of yourself, you don't want to die. I can see what you want. You're so sweetly obvious about it. You want to go outside and be free. You want to stand on a dreamy beach covered in white sand. 

You can look out over the water and see even the smallest of birds flying away. The waves will roll in and out, calm and gentle, oblivious to anything outside of their blue depths. And then when you're done, you want to turn around and know someone will be there. That someone will hold out a hand to you and smile. 

If the world ends, maybe we'll find that beach. 

If the world doesn't end, maybe you will. 

I promise you, you'll see it. If I were to die, I think I would be sad if you didn't make it there. Maybe I'll die hoping you still find a beach like that and someone who'll hold your hand. Better than both of us dying, certainly less of a waste.

Until then, I'm perfectly content being with you in whatever way I can. And I have you anyway I can because you let me. So there's no guilt to dwell on every time our lips meet or any time I'm inside of you. 

There's only each moment. And in each moment both of us become one step closer to being real.

~~~~~~~~~~~~  
~FIN~  
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End file.
